Year One

June 19th, 2009 was eventful in two ways: one- it was my birthday and two- it was the release of the much anticipated comedic thriller Year One. Well, at least it was much anticipated at the Cain household.

If you have read any of my previous reviews, you would certainly be aware of my heartfelt love for Jack Black and if you know me at all, you wouldn't doubt that Michael Cera, David Cross and especially Paul Rudd are all at the top of my favorite comedians list. I love to laugh and when seeing this movie I did just that. Did I mention that I also cringed more than twice.?

Year One is the tale of two cavemanish friends who venture out into the rest of the world and somehow find themselves traveling through stories in the Old Testament. I wasn't expecting the film to be quite so sacrilegious and although it did take away from some of the enjoyment for me, it was really hard not to laugh.

It was funny. And also really gross.

What its worth to me:

A date night with my husband and apparently a step in the wrong direction for my eternal salvation.

Trust Me.

See any movie with Paul Rudd. He is a comedic genius.

Trust me.

Never see a Dane Cook movie.

Mama Mia!

I just wasted my nap to watch this movie. Not a good move-E (Did you see what I did there?). I don't know what I was expecting- it is a musical and I am less than fond of most musicals.

Mama Mia!. The story of a girl in search of the father she never met. And ends up with three. Shoot. I hope I didn't just blow the movie for you. Well, now you don't have to see it.

Although the cast was star-studded and did include one of my all time favorite actors, this movie was l-a-m-e.

The most entertaining part of the film was unfortunately, I'm sure, not meant to be entertainingly funny. Pierce Brosnan singing. ...That's too bad.

I don't know. I guess it was okay for what it was. I'm sure I'm just a cynic, but when I watch a movie- even a Broadway adaptation of a movie, I expect for it to feel like a movie. I had the same problem with The Producers and I'm not even going to try and watch Rent. Much too campy. I'll wait until David can take me to New York or at least Vegas.

What it is worth to me:

Maybe seeing it in person. I hope the film didn't blow it for me.

Twilight.

I did it. I saw Twilight.

I don't even know what to say about it.

So- maybe I'll take a different approach to my movie review with this one:





Edward. Why is your hair so big? And you are supposed to float when you walk. Why did you walk down the hall like a gorilla? I wanted you to be Prince Charming in vampire form. I guess I didn't hate you, but I didn't dream about you the night after either.


Bella. I think David put it best when he said this "Was she supposed to be constipated the whole movie?" I know she was written as awkward, but come on.


Rosalie. Uh.... Isn't she supposed to be the hot one?


Jasper. Where have I seen you before? Oh, that right...





There were a few times that I actually laughed out loud during the film. One time in particular was when they lined up on the baseball field and were about to have a serious show down- jets verses sharks style. Another was Edward's tree climbing adventures.

Ok- it wasn't all bad. The kissing was sexy.

I mean- yes, the book itself was cheesey, but it played out so much better in my head. I don't know why they didn't choose me to cast and direct the film, but if they would have- it would've been a dream come true. I'll have my people give them a call so we can get started on A New Moon.

What it's worth to me:

If you've read the book of course you have to see it. In fact, if you've read the book you have already seen it. I'd watch it again- to see if it's better the second time, but I'm pretty sure it won't be. Also, I wish there was more making out. I give it some shifty eyes and maybe an out loud "zing" or two.

Oh, and I can't tell you how scared I am for The Breaking Dawn movie. CGIed babies? Lets hope for the best.

The Christmas Shoes

I'm pathetic. I'm chalking it up to being in my 35th week of pregnancy and having no control over my emotions or my bladder.

Tonight, with my free Redbox code, I rented The Christmas Shoes. I rented it hoping that it would be a made-for-TV-movie that was inspired by the song that always makes me cry at Christmas.

"What movie did you get?" Dave asks.

"I got one that I know you wouldn't want to watch so as not to distract you from your studies." I say, avoiding the question. I'm embarrassed to say what I really got.

"What movie did you get?"

"Christmas Shoes. I think it is a made-for-TV-movie that was inspired by the song that always makes me cry at Christmas."

Embarrassingly enough, it was.

Just renting the movie isn't the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part is that I cried, sorry, sobbed through the entire second half of this movie. What is wrong with me? Why are my eyes still red and my sleeve all gooed because I was too lazy to get a Kleenex? I know it's not Rob Lowe's acting skills. Or anything that the film makers did. It might be the little person who is trying to claw her way out of my uterus and that fact that I just can't handle having a constant side-ache-like pain under my right ribs anymore. That could be it, but I don't think it was.

I think it's the same reason I cried at A Walk to Remember (one of the worst films ever made). Or the Notebook. Or Bella. Or Father of the Bride. Or Father of the Bride part Two. Or some cereal commercials. Or any of the other sappy saps that make people like me cry. I'm pathetic. And I'm even more pathetic just more than a month away from having a new baby.

Well, at least I can admit it. If I watched it again, I would bawl like a baby. I'll probably wake up in the middle of the night and cry just thinking about it. Awesome.

ps. I totally cried at Baby Mama too.

What it's worth to me:

Some peppermint ice cream and a clean shirt. It also would've been nice if when David came in to check on me he would've put his arm around me and gave me a shnuggle instead of looking at me and saying this: "Sweetie. Are you serious?"

Watch this movie if you want to cry. Or make fun of a bad Christmas movie.

Over Her Dead Body

So, okay.

The poster for this movie was reason enough to wait until I had a free Redbox code to see it. And that was before I knew Jason Biggs was in it.

Eva Longoria. Sure, she can be a Desperate Housewife, but I don't imagine her doing well in a film- and man was I right. She was awful. So was Jason Biggs- as predicted. He stayed strong in his never ending role as the clumsy, awkward guy who can't find love- only this time he was gay...ish. It didn't help or matter.

Surprised as you might be to hear this- I actually liked this movie. Well, not so much the movie as Paul Rudd who you might remember as Cher's adorable ex-step-brother/boyfriend in Clueless. He's hilarious. I was quite impressed. He has been in some funny movies and in some funny roles, but for some reason he shines in this movie. It may be that the rest of the movie is dull and boring and he made it worth watching- I don't know, but I liked him. It was almost as if he was funnier because he figured no one would see the horrible movie anyway.

I would tell you more about the film itself if the title didn't already blow it for you. The only way it could've been more accurate is if it said this "Over Eva Longoria's Poor Excuse for Acting's Dead Body and the Predictable Story that Goes Along With It (including Jason Biggs as himself)." There. That pretty much sums it up.

What it is worth to me:

Paul Rudd was worth it. It was bad, but not painful. I don't know if I'd recommend it, but I wouldn't claim it either.