Twilight.

I did it. I saw Twilight.

I don't even know what to say about it.

So- maybe I'll take a different approach to my movie review with this one:





Edward. Why is your hair so big? And you are supposed to float when you walk. Why did you walk down the hall like a gorilla? I wanted you to be Prince Charming in vampire form. I guess I didn't hate you, but I didn't dream about you the night after either.


Bella. I think David put it best when he said this "Was she supposed to be constipated the whole movie?" I know she was written as awkward, but come on.


Rosalie. Uh.... Isn't she supposed to be the hot one?


Jasper. Where have I seen you before? Oh, that right...





There were a few times that I actually laughed out loud during the film. One time in particular was when they lined up on the baseball field and were about to have a serious show down- jets verses sharks style. Another was Edward's tree climbing adventures.

Ok- it wasn't all bad. The kissing was sexy.

I mean- yes, the book itself was cheesey, but it played out so much better in my head. I don't know why they didn't choose me to cast and direct the film, but if they would have- it would've been a dream come true. I'll have my people give them a call so we can get started on A New Moon.

What it's worth to me:

If you've read the book of course you have to see it. In fact, if you've read the book you have already seen it. I'd watch it again- to see if it's better the second time, but I'm pretty sure it won't be. Also, I wish there was more making out. I give it some shifty eyes and maybe an out loud "zing" or two.

Oh, and I can't tell you how scared I am for The Breaking Dawn movie. CGIed babies? Lets hope for the best.

The Christmas Shoes

I'm pathetic. I'm chalking it up to being in my 35th week of pregnancy and having no control over my emotions or my bladder.

Tonight, with my free Redbox code, I rented The Christmas Shoes. I rented it hoping that it would be a made-for-TV-movie that was inspired by the song that always makes me cry at Christmas.

"What movie did you get?" Dave asks.

"I got one that I know you wouldn't want to watch so as not to distract you from your studies." I say, avoiding the question. I'm embarrassed to say what I really got.

"What movie did you get?"

"Christmas Shoes. I think it is a made-for-TV-movie that was inspired by the song that always makes me cry at Christmas."

Embarrassingly enough, it was.

Just renting the movie isn't the embarrassing part. The embarrassing part is that I cried, sorry, sobbed through the entire second half of this movie. What is wrong with me? Why are my eyes still red and my sleeve all gooed because I was too lazy to get a Kleenex? I know it's not Rob Lowe's acting skills. Or anything that the film makers did. It might be the little person who is trying to claw her way out of my uterus and that fact that I just can't handle having a constant side-ache-like pain under my right ribs anymore. That could be it, but I don't think it was.

I think it's the same reason I cried at A Walk to Remember (one of the worst films ever made). Or the Notebook. Or Bella. Or Father of the Bride. Or Father of the Bride part Two. Or some cereal commercials. Or any of the other sappy saps that make people like me cry. I'm pathetic. And I'm even more pathetic just more than a month away from having a new baby.

Well, at least I can admit it. If I watched it again, I would bawl like a baby. I'll probably wake up in the middle of the night and cry just thinking about it. Awesome.

ps. I totally cried at Baby Mama too.

What it's worth to me:

Some peppermint ice cream and a clean shirt. It also would've been nice if when David came in to check on me he would've put his arm around me and gave me a shnuggle instead of looking at me and saying this: "Sweetie. Are you serious?"

Watch this movie if you want to cry. Or make fun of a bad Christmas movie.

Over Her Dead Body

So, okay.

The poster for this movie was reason enough to wait until I had a free Redbox code to see it. And that was before I knew Jason Biggs was in it.

Eva Longoria. Sure, she can be a Desperate Housewife, but I don't imagine her doing well in a film- and man was I right. She was awful. So was Jason Biggs- as predicted. He stayed strong in his never ending role as the clumsy, awkward guy who can't find love- only this time he was gay...ish. It didn't help or matter.

Surprised as you might be to hear this- I actually liked this movie. Well, not so much the movie as Paul Rudd who you might remember as Cher's adorable ex-step-brother/boyfriend in Clueless. He's hilarious. I was quite impressed. He has been in some funny movies and in some funny roles, but for some reason he shines in this movie. It may be that the rest of the movie is dull and boring and he made it worth watching- I don't know, but I liked him. It was almost as if he was funnier because he figured no one would see the horrible movie anyway.

I would tell you more about the film itself if the title didn't already blow it for you. The only way it could've been more accurate is if it said this "Over Eva Longoria's Poor Excuse for Acting's Dead Body and the Predictable Story that Goes Along With It (including Jason Biggs as himself)." There. That pretty much sums it up.

What it is worth to me:

Paul Rudd was worth it. It was bad, but not painful. I don't know if I'd recommend it, but I wouldn't claim it either.

Iron Man

Movie: Iron Man

So it's been over a month since I've reviewed. I've been busy.

I saw Iron Man.

Or as I like to call it: Irony Man. Please, someone explain to me how Robery Downey Jr. got cast as a super hero? What was his last movie? I think it was Only You with Marisa Tomei. At least that is the last movie I remember seeing him in and I think the rest of his time was spent in rehab.

So, what? Now, in interviews is he doing that "I can really relate to the character” thing because both RDJ and Tony Stark were lame and through a near death experience- they bounced back and are planning to save the world?

Let me elaborate:

Tony Stark, the creator of WMDs and a member of Skyline's Greek Mafia (oh wait, maybe he wasn't- but he has some sweet facial hair and a pocket full of cash so I just assumed...), gets kidnapped and his life is threatened by the very weapons he made to protect the country. Basically everyone's life story, right? Well, he sees the error of his ways- thanks to a mystery man who put a metal heart in his chest- and becomes a pillar of light and iron to rid the world of bad guys.

Robert Downey Jr., the creator of substance abuse, gets thrown in jail for a series of unfortunate events including, but not limited to, wandering into someone's house and falling asleep on a bed. Well, he sees the error of his ways- perhaps thanks to a mystery man who put some sense into his head in jail or maybe it was just his conscience- and becomes a pillar of light and a comic book character made of iron to rid the world of bad guys.

Wow. I had no idea how similar their lives really were until I blogged it out loud.

I thought I wouldn't like it. I was wrong. I was pleasantly surprised and here a few reasons why...

1. Gwenyth Paltrow. I am in love with this woman. If I ever had a baby girl, I would have no problem naming her after this beautiful specimen.

2. Tony Stark becomes a hippie.

3. Robert Downey Jr. performs with Jack Black and Ben Stiller on American Idol. What's that you say? That has nothing to do with the movie? Well, it can't hurt.

4. It is totally believable. I'm thinking of getting Dave a suit made of Iron for Christmas so that he can show the evils of the world what’s what. If Robert Downey Jr. can do it- anyone can. Well done Mr. Jr., well done.

What its worth to me:

I wouldn't buy a ticket to this movie. Not because I didn't like it, but mainly because I only go to these types of movies because David wants to. Luckily for us- Papa Suite took us to the film and I am glad he did. David even bought me a pizza and a slushie. What could be better? After seeing it, I'd recommend paying for a ticket. It is theater worthy.

Be Kind Rewind

Movie: Be Kind Rewind

Ok, as you may or may not know, I am a big fan of Jack Black. Not so much his crazy swearing uncomfortable movies, but Orange County, High Fidelity, Saving Silverman and my all time favorite: School of Rock are all worth watching. So, as you may have guessed- I was excited to see this film.

The premise for this movie is as follows: a VHS video rental shop in a forgotten neighborhood is about to go under when a happy accident including Jerry (Jack Black) and extreme magnetism erases all the tapes. So they make their own. And the new movies are brilliant.

It took a minute for the movie to take off, but once it did- it was fantastic. The truth is, I could've really just watched their homemade versions of other movies the whole time and been happy. They are pure genius. Jack Black at his finest.

Some other team members are Mos Def, Danny Glover, Mia Farrow and a surprising new comer Melonie Diaz. I probably wouldn't have put this cast together, but it worked.

One thing I particularly enjoyed about the movie was that there was not really a Hollywood ending. I mean- it was a comedy and everything works out in the end, but not in the way that I was expecting. Go see it. You'll enjoy it.

What it's worth to me:

We saw it in the theater and it was worth the $14.00. I think we will purchase it on DVD when the time is right. Buy some candy, relax and laugh out loud when Jack Black tickles your fancy.

Duplex

Movie: Duplex

Dreadful.

This was on yesterday as I was laying on my death bed. That was a few hours I'm never getting back.

I usually love Drew Barrymore, but not this time. I don't know what I expecting- Ben Stiller was in the film after all. The movie really did it for me when these two nice people decide to become murderers. Brilliant. And totally believable. (In case you couldn't tell- I was being sarcastic.)

Shut. Your. Face. I can't believe this. It just came on again. Please hold a minute while I change the channel. Ah... HGTV- that's more like it.

What it's worth to me:

Some Nyquil and a nap.

Enchanted

Movie: Enchanted

This Disney semi-animated find-my-true-love musical "makes fun" of all the other find-my-true-love stories. Upon reflection, I thought something about this movie seemed familiar... Oh yeah, it's Shrek. Only they were ogres and these guys are human.

I think it is safe to say that David and I were the last people in America to see this movie. I heard nothing but great reviews and I was expecting great things. My sister Cassandra sings the song with her daughter and they twirl about the room.

It was cute, but I didn't find anything particularly awesome about it. (I wasn't twirling anywhere.) It does exactly what it was intended to do- make you feel good. Patric Dempsey and Amy Adams always seem to make people feel good.

What it's worth to me:

We saw it on a plane. I'm glad we saw Enchanted and not Snakes on a Plane, but I'd be lying if I said I loved it. I'd buy it on DVD if I had a daughter. But, I don't- so until I get a daughter I'll leave it be. I watched it with a tiny bottle of water and some snack mix. If I were to watch it again I would probably heat up some popcorn and grab a bag of skittles. That might make it a little better.

Miss Potter

Movie: Miss Potter


This is the "based on a true story" story of Miss Beatrix Potter, writer of lovable children's tales such as Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny. The story itself is quite deserving of a screen adaptation. Beatrix is a little nutty, and could've easily ended up living alone with her picture friends- much reminiscent to a "crazy cat lady" in modern times.

Miss Potter was played by Renee Zellweger. Once again, Renee is now one step closer to pursuing her life long dream of becoming British. Although, I'm still not convinced. You know, despite her unnecessary super squinty eyes that I usually have a hard time seeing past, (get it? seeing past?! The pun on "seeing?" come on. It was funny.) she wasn't bad in this film. She was in just about every scene and I don't remember getting sick of her at all.

One actress I would love to see more of was Emily Watson. She played best friend to Beatrix and sister to Beatrix's Publisher (Ewan McGregor). I am looking forward to seeing some of her newer stuff.

There is one character that I feel that must be shared to those of you who have not seen the film. It is Beatrix's father. I searched online for a photo of him, but it is nowhere to be found. Just picture an older man with two large curly haired rats taped to his cheeks. Cause that's what it looks like. No... it doesn't. Its much, much worse. You'll see.

What it's worth to me:

I liked it. I could watch it again. I probably wouldn't watch it again soon, but I wouldn't mind netflixing it again in a year or so. I'd watch it with some popcorn and an ice water with a lemon slice and sprig of mint. Thank you for recommending it Cassandra.

Across the Universe

In honor of tonight's American Idol tribute to John Lennon and Paul McCartney, I too will pay my respects by reviewing this recently viewed Beatles musical titled "Across the Universe."

This film was the story of "Jude" and his "Lucy." Yeah, a little cheesy, but I can live with that. Jude is hot. The actors name is Jim Sturgess- I think he is going to be big. Lucy looks like every other blond actress in America. I wasn't all that impressed with her.

Now for the goods (or bads): I thought the first 45 minutes of this film were okay and if the movie would've progressed in this fashion I think I would've liked it.

Unfortunately, mid-movie, the writer, director, and producer all took a few hits of acid and the movie turned into a blur of hypercolors and cartoons. There was a point that I actually looked away from the television and thought that my friend Betsy had been by to slip some MJ in my brownies like she said she was going to do at my wedding. Don't worry- I wasn't high. It was just the movie in Technicolor to the max. I understand that the Beatles went through some drug phases and I believe that this portion of the movie was "symbloic" but, come on. Let's be serious.

Another problem with the film was the unfavorable use of songs to create the plot. The Beatles had billions of hits. I wish they would've written the story and then added the songs that corresponded. I'm pretty sure they were sitting in a room and said, "yeah, I want this song to be in there and this one... oh, and this one!.." and then they made characters and scenes that were, well, lame.

The musical did make me want to buy a Beatles album. Maybe that was the intent all along. The movie was made to sell more albums. It worked. I still have "Across the Universe" in my head- which is sad because I only know that one line and a small bit about a paper cup. I wouldn't watch it again, but if I did I would only watch the beginning and the end... unless, of course, I was high.

What it's worth to me:

Not weed. And not another rental. But maybe some itunes downloads.

Sabrena's word:

"Yeah, I feel like it's one of those movies that I'm scared to say that I don't like because the artsy people will think I just don't understand it. But, I didn't like it."

True dat Sabrena. Only- I'm totally not afraid of those artsy people.

No Reservations

Movie: No Reservations

I love romantic comedies and I love food. I love romantic comedies that base their plots around food. That is what this movie is. Classic story... Woman inherits a Kid. Kid needs a Friend. Man Friend and Woman have a rocky start until Man becomes Kid's Friend. Oh, and most of the film takes place at a restaurant.

So here's the deal. I love romantic comedies and I love food, but I didn't "love" this movie. If Randy Jackson was reviewing this movie he would say, "Yo, yo, yo. It was just alright for me, dawg." You said it Randy. It wasn't bad. It wasn't great. I much prefer the German original titled: Mostly Martha. Rent that if you want a good movie.

The casting in this film wouldn't be my first picks. I have never really liked Catherine Zeta-Jones. (Yes, I know that you think she's hot.) She has never done much for me. Her co-star, Aaron Eckhart, is alright I guess, but I can never get over the fact that he looks like he was sculpted in a toy factory. My favorite actor of the bunch is the talented Abigail Breslin. Little Miss Sunshine. If you noticed, I chose a picture for my blog that shows my liking for each actor in order of how close they appear in the photo. Go ahead and scroll up if you need to.

What it is worth to me:

I don't think I would pay to see this at the theaters- even the dollar theater. I would, however, watch it with my love after Miles has gone to bed and maybe pop some popcorn. We would make fun of most of it and I would probably end up crying at one point or another. It's a mediocre film with a feel good ending. I recommend it to my sister Cassandra and her Wade. It's much better than the Lake House.

Freaks and Geeks: The complete series

Series: Freaks and Geeks.

This televison show staged mostly in a Detroit high school was probably taken off the air due to some marketing problems as most sitcoms that have potential are. The premise of the show? Lindsay and Sam Weir, brother and sister, try to survive their high school experience as "freaks and geeks." Pretty catchy title.

I'm still undecided as to how much I really liked the show. The main character, Lindsay Weir, is a nerd who tries to become someone more edgy by wearing the same over-sized army jacket everyday and hanging out with some less than amazing potheads. She is the most disappointing character in the show. I wanted to like her, but it was painfully hard. I think of her the same way I think of Will and Grace- put Karen and Jack back on.

Sam, Lindsay's brother, and his geek squad friends Bill, the ultra-nerd, and Neil the 55-year-old-stuck-in-a-15-year-old's body jewish boy, are definitely worth watching. As far as I'm concerned the show would be next to worthless without them.

There are some young stars that play pretty small roles, but were cast well and who I wold've like to have seen more of such as: Seth Rogen- a burnout, Samaire Armstrong (better known as Anna from the OC)- a hippie, and Shia LaBeouf- the high school's mascot.

I heard a lot of hype about this show. The first episode wasn't super impressive, but it had some good moments. Each episode got progressively better and by the sixth and final DVD- I was sad it was over.

What it's worth to me:

I made a good choice by Netflixing this series, but I don't know if it was worth moving to the top of my queue for and especially in the middle of my Scrubs marathon. It took me about three weeks to watch the whole show- which is a really long time. All in all- I'd see it again, but I'm not in love with it.

Without a Paddle

Movie: Without a Paddle.

This was one of the best movies ever... to burn... in a fire.

Three morons (Dax Shepard, Matthew Lillard, and Seth Green) played three morons on a treasure hunt and we get to see their wacky adventures along the way.

I mean- come on. Let's be serious. Who makes these movies? What bunch of people sit down together and decide that this would be a hilarious box office hit. And who casted it? Some super original movie guru got Seth Green to play a short nerd and two other semi-actors to play his tall lesser-nerd friends. I'm pretty sure they just threw this script at people and signed anyone who read it.

Poor Paramount Pictures. What were you thinking?

What it is worth to me:

Nothing. Luckilly, I didn't pay to see this movie. I rented it from Sabrena's collection downstairs- even though she warned me of it's crap factor. Miles was crying during part of the film and David and I were doing other projects for the rest. I'm glad we had some other distractions. For this lack of a film, I'd have some Pepto-Bismol in one hand and maybe a good book in another. Hope you like it.

Atonement

Movie: Atonement.

Brilliant. (That was in my best British accent.)

This Focus Film set in late 1930s was well casted, acted, directed and photographed. The "porcelain pretty" Keira Knightly headed up a major role in the film as well a new shining star, Saoirse Ronan, who plays the precocious 13 year old writer whose need for drama becomes the undoing of a wealthy English family.

From the magnificent mansion to the glamorous costumes, I felt like I had stumbled into a world that only exists in Murder Mysteries and Jane Austen books. I loved it. It was romantic and provocative, embarrassing and unforgiving, sexy and horrifying, lovely and depressing.

The only part of this movie I didn't like was the man-sitting-next-to-me's nose whistling on every breath. Even with that annoyance in my ear for the duration of the film, I still felt it’s heartbreaking woe. With it’s well written twists and turns- this movie definitely deserves it's Oscar Nomination for Best Film.

What it's worth to me:

My mother-in-law watched Miles while we went to the movie, but I would easily spend money for a babysitter and a ticket. The only treat I'd bring to view the film would be a bottled water to rehydrate after such an emotional journey.

My First Review.

Movie: Juno.

I know it's a bit cheesy to have my first review be the best movie ever made, but it has to be done.

What more could want from a film than a teenager, Juno, that every girl wants to be (minus the whole teen-pregnancy thing) and the amazing Paulie Bleeker played by Michael Cera (aka: George Michael from Arrested Development- and if you don't know what Arrested Development is you need to add it to the top of you Netflix queue right now). These two high school awkwards are fantastic together. I have never felt more comfortable watching a completely uncomfortable situation then when they are on screen together. Brilliant.

As for the rest of the players, I must admit that I wasn't quite looking forward to seeing some of the other actors in the film. I have never been a big fan of Jennifer Garner, but I was very pleased with her in this role. She did a great job and she wasn't even shooting Chinese stars or doing "juno" chops or anything. -Are you kidding me? Juno chops?! I'm awesome.-

This is a must see. To the max. I was laughing out loud so hard that I was almost embarrassed of myself until I looked around and saw people laughing even harder than I was. By the end of the movie (and a few times in between) I had cried myself out of 6 tissues, my mascara and my shirt.

What it's worth to me:

I'd pay a babysitter for the night so that we could enjoy dinner and a late movie- which is saying a lot seeing as how we usually only go to movies when we have a giftcard in tow. I'd even buy a $7.00 ice cream sandwich and some sourpatch kids for desert.

Yep.

-Cicely